Film Review : The ABCs of Death (2012)

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IMDB Score – 4.8
RT Score – 38%

You know, I’m really starting to wonder why I put myself through this. Why do I watch these shlocky horror films that I know I’m going to hate? I think it may be a morbid curiosity to find that one modern horror film that falls past all teh rest and becomes good. Maybe it’s my ignored but deeply fond love of bad movies. Whatever it is, it still leads me to watch crap. And this is crap. The film has a good idea in which 26 “directors” have a letter of the alphabet and are given complete artistic reign over what they do with it. The results are abysmal. They range from the absolutely bonkers to the very horribly produced, to the not scary or funny at all, to the not so bad. The not so bad happens to be about three shorts. I’ll let you know which ones they are now…

D is for Dogfight
T is for Toilet
X is for XXL

That’s all. D os for Dogfight was actually pretty damn impressive and worth a search on youtube or a fast forward through through the film. The rest of the film just flat out sucks. If you’re going to watch it at least get really drunk with your friends that way you’ll have a fun time laughing.


Film Review – Apollo 18 (2012)

IMDB Score – 5.2
RT Score – 24%
Netflix Instant Watch

This was fucking horrible. I like to keep my reviews PG-13 but every once in a while, like a movie now an then, I’ll slip a “fuck” in there. Hey, I just did it twice. I think I broke the PG-13 mold. I had to do it though. This movie was that bad. The scares were cheap, what few there were. The acting was atrocious. The aliens were horribly stupid. I don’t even consider that a spoiler. This movie was so unoriginal what else did you expect besides horrible aliens. It as 90 minutes that felt like three hours.

Never watch this movie. I don’t really have much else to say. I’d be wasting more of my time.


Bad Movie of the Day : The Toxic Avenger (1984)

Netflix Watch Instant
IMDB score : 6.0
RT Score : 63%

Did you just watch that preview? Yes, I watched this whole movie. It was awesome. No, I’m not insane. Yes the movie was horrible. It was the definition of a “so bad it’s good” movie. The thing had everything…

– Guys in dresses pretending to be gay
– Use of the term “copper” to refer to police.
– Shlocky make-up.
– Horrible dialogue such as “I owe you for the other night monster faggot. So now we’re going to give you six new assholes. Compliments of me Cigar Face.”
– A police chief who is an ex nazi.
– A 1980s soup of innuendos and cliches.
– Face painted robbers.
– Bad guys pointing guns at babies.
– The shooting of a blind lady’s dog.
– An expert doctor named Dr. Merton Snotburger.

Seriously, how can I explain this any more? Just look at these pictures and watch this with some friends and beer.

I can’t even rate this.

Oh man, so bad. So bad.