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Film Review : Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

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IMDB Score – 8.9
Rotten Tomato Score – 92%

Directed By – James Gunn
Starring – Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Dave Bautista, Lee Pace, Michael Booker, Karen Gillan, Djimon Hounsou, John C. Reilly, Peter Serafinowicz, Glenn Close, and Benicio Del Toro

In the far reaches of space, an American pilot named Peter Quill finds himself the object of a manhunt after stealing an orb coveted by the villainous Ronan.

As of today, I have seen less than five Marvel films, including this one. I was never really into comic books and honestly, the films have not impressed me besides the first Iron Man and The Avengers. Everything changed after seeing this though. A lot of people are claiming this is the best film of the year. They claiming this is the best Marvel film ever. I’ll tel you this. It is NOT the best film of the year. It is arguably the best Marvel film along with The Avengers. This is a film that has one thing going for it, something that it can claim to be unmatched by any other film released in 2014. You will not have more fun in a theater. It’s the funniest movie of the year with pretty great action sequences and special effects. I was shocked by how much I laughed. This is a better comedy than most comedies that have been released in the last five years. Believe the hype. This is the blockbuster of the year.

Like I said earlier, I had no idea what the hell the film was about before I went to the theater. I saw a trailer or two but really only remember what the main cast looked like. I’ve always been a DC person having grown up immersing myself in Batman things besides the comics. Yes I realize I’m not a true nerd by saying that. During the Marvel renaissance I tried to get into the worlds but they never grabbed me. In a way, this film was just like that. The film started and while they did a good job explaining the worlds to me, I just wasn’t grabbed. The antics from Pratt were funny throughout, but it really wasn’t until the last hour of the film where the movie went from decent to fucking awesome. Pratt is a sure fire star in the making. I’ve known this for a while now after seeing him constantly be the funniest part of Parks and Rec but this just iced the cake. Zoe Saldana seems to get cast as the ass kicking alien chick in ever single film so I wasn’t really wowed there. It was just the same routine. Dave Bautista was a scene stealer as DJax, a brute of a man seeking revenge. The ones who made me laugh the most though was the team that made the whole film for me, Rocket and Groot. Rocket, voiced by Bradley Cooper, talked way too much and Groot, voiced by Vin Diesel, talked too little. It was a perfect blend of character and the two of them provided the most belly laughs from me. There are a bunch of scenes involving Groot that had me hunched over. The supporting cast was pretty great, as we get a fantastic performance from Michael Rooker and an evil one from Lee Pace. The cast was just perfect overall.

I did’t really expect the film to be this charming either. The film opens with an emotional punch that leaves the audience reeling and then we have Chris Pratt dancing to 80’s tunes in the scene after. The back and forth between intense and powerful set pieces and goofy fun never felt exhausting. It blended together effortlessly which was to be expected from James Gunn. He was able to do the same in his previous films such as Super and Slither. He crafts serious genre films but in a style and humor that goes back and forth without losing the viewer. He was a perfect choice for this film. It’s going to be very interesting seeing what he does with the sequel, one of which I’m already waiting for.

It’s honestly hard for me to talk about this film. I don’t know the universe well and there were SO MANY scenes that had me cracking up that I just can’t talk about on opening weekend for spoiler reasons. All I can say that is the hype is real. This is one of the better blockbuster films of the last couple years and certainly the most fun you can have in a theater right now. Planet of the Apes may be a better piece of art, but Guardians of the Galaxy is just way too much fun to pass up. See it.

4.5/5




Film Review : X – Men: Days of Future Past (2014)

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IMDB Score – 8.6
Rotten Tomato Score – 92%

Directed By – Bryan Singer
Starring – Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Jennifer Lawrence, Ellen Page, Nicholas Hoult, Halle Berry, Shawn Ashmore, Evan Peters, and Peter Fucking Dinklage,/strong.

The X-Men send Wolverine to the past in a desperate effort to change history and prevent an event that results in doom for both humans and mutants.

Dear 15 year old girls who walked into our theater half way through our movie,

I hate you. I don’t know who the hell your parents are, but they did a horrible job raising you. They probably did drugs and had you watch because only in that environment would two people learn such evil. First of all, how the hell did you even pay for this film? It’s New York City so on top of the $13 ticket you had $4 for 3D and $2.50 for super awesome sound. That’s an almost 20 dollar ticket. You either snuck in or had your horrible parents drop you off with their drug money because it’s the only reason to explain your behavior. You obviously don’t like X-Men because you missed the entire first half of the movie and instead of trying to catch up on the insane plot, you immediately sat down and started…fighting? You were slapping each other and yelling for the other to get off you. What the hell? There was about 150 people in there that put up with your bullshit but I wasn’t having it and neither was the person with me. We saw through your bullshit. You sat down next to the wrong people motherfuckers. At first we just stared at you hoping our demon eyes would stop your bullshit, but no. You had to pull out your fucking cellphones. Who the hell watches youtube videos, in a theater, with 150 people who paid to see it? Did you think that our parents gave us drug money as well? That’s not how life works and I’m sorry for your future. I had enough and yelled at you to shut up, and you did, for twenty minutes. By that point I just had enough and blocked you out mentally just like your parents blocked the love from your lives in which turned you into horrible douchey 15 year old girls. You may have ruined some of my movie, but I won at the end of the day because I will grow up with a happy life.

Don’t procreate.

So, I had to get that out of the way. It just had to be said and I’m sorry for the bad language but this is my website and I’ll do what I want. Now, let me say that my only experience with the X-Men franchise has been the movies, which I’ve only seen once a piece, and the Sega Genesis game in which Gambit was my favorite character. Did they use Gambit in any of the films? Yes, once, in the worst film of all time. So, two years or so ago when the “reboot” happened I was reluctant to go but it ended up being a good film mostly due to the fact that I have a man crush on Michael Fassbender. The sequel to the reboot was one in the same, perfectly acceptable and entertaining.

Now I’m not even going to try to re explain the plot. The whole first ten minutes of the film was spent by me trying to figure out what the fuck was going on and I wasn’t the only one in the theater to be in that situation. Various excalmations of “Huh?” “What?” and “Wait…wha?” were heard from the crowd. Slowly it started to take shape in my brain and I was able to enjoy the film. I’ll just explain a few things that the IMDB plot I ripped off doesn’t. Time Travel. Crazy future robots. Tyrion Lannister mustache. Drug addict Prof. X. Portal Girl. There you go, that’s the beginning of the film. What followed next was a serious genre flick that had very few holes and a lot of awesome shit to see.

I can’t tell you how long it took me to get over Peter Dinklage’s mustache in the film. I don’t know who decided to cast him as the “villain” but whoever did deserves a raise. I have no idea whether his character is an actual character in the Marvel universe and if he’s a midget but the use of Dinklage was just awesome. He’s my favorite part of Game of Thrones and any chance to see him on the big screen is amazing. I don’t think I’ve gotten over the mustache though. I laughed every time he came on screen for the first hour and I think I may have snickered for the second. Dinklage was great though. Seriously though, look at his fucking mustache…

I know. I’m twelve.

So along with the normal crowd of mutants, the film introduced us to possible the best one of all not named Magneto. Evan Peters plays Quicksilver in the film and I’ll be writing Marvel a letter urging them to make a film just about him. His parts in the film were my favorite of the whole movie. Without giving too much away, the jailbreak scene was one of the funniest and mesmerizing action scenes I’ve ever seen. The effects were gorgeous, the payoff was brilliant, and the gags were earned and not forced. Brilliant stuff there. I was disappointed that we didn’t get to see Quicksilver much after that though. He’s a great character and Evan Peters played him perfectly.

Hugh Jackman basically is Wolverine and one of the greatest casting choices of all time so I don’t have to explain why he was awesome in this movie. The other two leads, Magneto and Prof. X, played by four people, were also top notch, highlighted by the younger two of the four. I love Ian Mckellen, but Michael Fassbender is a much more frightening Magneto. Every time he is one screen I feel somebody is going to get hurt. He has the most control over his powers and when he uses them you actually feel hopeless. That is a seriously evil trait to possess. I’m not a big Prof. X fan but James McAvoy knows how to act and act he did. I thought he did a fantastic job. The old fellas did well although the film had a lack of Mckellen which disappointed me. It was one of the movies few faults.

Speaking of faults, there really weren’t many to seriously downgrade the film and the few there were have already been mentioned. I wish there was more time with all of the characters and the only reason there wasn’t was because the plot was really complex which left little room for fun. I’m not a huge comic book nerd so I go to these movies for fun. There just could have been a little bit more but it certainly didn’t detract from the film. It’s a great action film and really lifted the superhero genre back to its feet after the Thor movies failed to impress me and since the debacle of Iron Man 2. I’ll look forward to the next installment, hopefully with more Dinklage, but there won’t be.

That fucking mustache.

4.5/5

Suggested Viewing – The Avengers, Peter Dinklage in anything, Hugh Jackman naked




Film Review : The Avengers (2012)

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Netflix Instant Watch
IMDB Score : 8.3
RT Score : 92%

So I waited a long time to finally sit down and watch the money making phenomenon that is this film. I shouldn’t have waited so long because that was an epic action film. I’m film geek. I appreciate the art of independent films and the culture of foreign films. I find most big budget movies to lack in mostly everything except the amount of money poured int it hoping it’ll return that sum with greater numbers regardless of whether or not it’s a good film. I do however have a small window where the big budget films made with heart and care can squeeze in and nestle themselves with the rest of the films I enjoy. The Avengers is right there. I thought it was great. Joss Whedon prides himself on great dialogue without going into Tarantino territory. The film was funny, had heart and morals, and did something that rarely happens with me…CARE ABOUT SUPERHEROES. I haven’t seen Thor. I had no interest in Captain America or The Green Lantern. I thought the first two Spiderman films were okay and the third an abomination. The non Raimi Spiderman looked okay but again, no interest. I saw the first two Iron Man movies and only liked the first one. Basically what I’m trying to say is that I don’t care much for anything super hero related that isn’t Batman. I love Batman. The Avengers will never reach the spot where Burton and Nolan’s Batman films have rested but it has found a spot to call it own. That being said I think that Whedon made a film that is meant to be seen by everybody hence how it made so much money. Tom Hiddleston was great as Loki and the whole Avenger cast was perfect even though Scarlett Johannson can’t act for shit anymore. I loved the middle hour full of dialogue and plot development. I was giddy during the final act where all hell broke loose. I enjoyed the film guys. I enjoyed the shit out of a Marvel super hero movie. That’s a marvel in itself.

4.5/5