WARNING! Do NOT watch the Southpaw trailer.

The trailer for Southpaw recently came out. Do NOT watch it. Antoine Fuqua’s new film about a boxer played by the incredible Jake Gyllenhaal features one of the worst trailers I have ever seen. Want to know everything that happens in the film? Well then go ahead, watch the movie. They literally paint the entire three acts in the nearly three minute long trailer.

WHAT THE FUCK? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS STUDIOS?

This serves as a warning. I know you people. I know you love film as much as I do and like to go into a film blank as to actually experience the film. This trailer is fucking insulting. I feel myself going into a giant tirade about this, and honestly, fuck that. I’m not letting this shit get the best of me.

Don’t watch the trailer. Just don’t. If you have any interest in seeing the film, skip it.

I’m done with trailers.

THIS DAY IS HERE! Inherent Vice trailer released!

The day has finally come. I can now stop typing “Inherent Vice trailer” into youtube every other day. Now that I’ve seen it, I will not watch it again so I can go into this thing as blind as humanly possible. I did get thrown off at first by the vibe. The last two films were so dark and complex and this seems more like a mix between Boogie Nights and American Hustle. Josh Brolin yelling broken Mandarin is hilarious and it seems like Phoenix is even more physical than his role in The Master. The film seems more erotic and funny than his previous efforts, but I’ll watch literally anything regardless of subject matter if it was written and directed by aul Thomas Anderson. He’s my favorite director living today and in my top three of all time. I can’t fucking wait for this.

Trail Mix!

I’m sporadic and right now I feel like shit and don’t feel like moving off my couch so I’m going to post a bunch more trailers again and talk about whether or not I’d like to see them.

I could watch Rob Brydon and Steve Coogan on the screen together for literally hours. The first one was so entertaining that they’re literally doing the exact same thing over again. This is an unoriginal sequel that I have no problem with existing and I hope it’s five hours long.

It seems like every single Korean director has gotten a chance at an English language film in the last year. Let’s hope that this is the one that really sticks with US audiences because The Last Stand and Stoker were relatively disappointing. Joon-ho Bong is responsible for some fantastic films such as The Host, Memories of Murder, and Mother and hopefully he nails this sci fi apocalypse script. The man is writing it along with Kelly Masterson who wrote “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead”, a film I had so so feelings for. Expectations are high.

Writer and director of The Guard John Michael McDonagh takes a more serious turn in this film starring one of my favorite actors, Brendan Gleeson. I think I just love movies set in Ireland. I seem to have taken alike to pretty much everything that comes out of the country but that may have to do with the fact that Gleeson is usually cast in those films. Chris O’Dowd and FUCKING LITTLE FINGER are also in it.

Okay, this doesn’t look like a prize winning film but I love horror movies and this at least is taking an unoriginal idea and doing something different with it as far as story goes. Tunnels under Paris that turn into hell? It’ll at least be good for some jump scares and hopefully interesting effects.

How many films was James Gandolfini in before he died? The answer is a fucking lot. Michaël R. Roskam, who directed the brilliant film Bullhead, gets put in charge of a script written by Dennis Lehan who fave us Mystic River and Shutter Island. Want another piece to that awesome cake? Tom Hardy and Noomi Rapace. I’m excited.

OH MY GOD THIS LOOKS SO GOOD. This just moved up to my number two most anticipated film of the year. Michael Fassbender is amazing. I’m not even saying another word. I’m just going to watch this trailer again.

Okay, this looks amazing. Ari Folman knocked me on my ass with Waltz With Bashir and this looks even better. I can’t even comprehend the plot. All I know is that it looks like a totally unique sci-fir animation dream. Meta as shit.

BOXTROLLS! I’ll watch anything studio Laika. This looks just enchanting. Have you noticed my writings are getting shorter with each trailer? Yeah me too.

That was Steve Carrell. That’s also a future Oscar nominee. It’s gotten great response from Cannes. Sorry abut the end of the trailer.

Ti West is my favorite modern horror movie director. He decided to adapt a film from the Jonestown massacre and while I don’t feel one was needed I can’t say I’m not interested in seeing it. He’s a master of the slow burn horror experience.

Return of Trail Mix!

I’m in a weird state of mind where I honestly don’t know what to watch so until I get my mojo back I’m going to bring back an old favorite…TRAIL MIX! I usually hate trailers now but since I’ve seen nearly nothing in the last month as far as trailers go, I’m gunna post a bunch. Hopefully this gets you ready for the summer by introducing you to something you didn’t know was coming out.

Yup. This is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie. If I can recall, I believe this is going to be the fourth attempt to make a serviceable movie out of the franchise which features turtles kicking ass as ninjas. I was a fan of the first one but mostly because I was ten and it was the 90s. I remember an animated version that released about six years ago when I was an usher at the theater I would go on to manage, but remember it doing poorly. Hopefully this is better than its predecessors but considering Jonathan Liebesman is at the helm, I highly doubt it. His previous movies were Wrath of the Titans, Battle Los Angeles, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Yuck.

Releases July 11

This is one of my most anticipated films of the year. Richard Linklater spends twelve years constructing this film as a boy literally grows up. I can’t even describe in words how cool that is. The fact that Linklater is directing and writing the film only goes to show how amazing it will be. Linklater is in the club of directors who have literally done no wrong. I love all his films.

Releases October 3rd

Fincher has always been one of my favorite directors and even though I didn’t enjoy Benny Button or Girl With a Dragon Tatoo as much as everybody else, he’s still a visionary and I can’t wait to see what he does with this. Also, I love when trailers do this. I have no idea what the film is really about. Hats off to the people who cut the trailer.

Releases July 18th

I love Mike Cahill’s film “Another Earth”. It’s a movie that I would make if I had the ambition and the financial ability. His new film is equally as intriguing and and features Michael Pitt in a starring role which I’ve waited so long to see. I loved him in the “Funny Games” remake and finally he gets to shine. The trailer is a bit revealing so only watch it once and try to scrub your mind afterward.

Trail Mix!

This is the winner of the Grand Jury prize at Cannes and is a three hour lover story about two lesbians. That is boring. Yup. Boring. In all honesty this is probably a fine film about love but it didn’t strike a chord with me. I’ll most likely skip this one.

Alexander Payne’s newest film about a naive man from Nebraska thinking he won something. I’ve always been a fan of Payne but he makes such minimalist films that it’s not his direction that gets me excited but rather the performances he gets out of his actors. Bruce Dern already won best actor as Cannes and I expect it to hold up. I like acting.

The film looks like it’s going to be a B movie masterpiece but the coolest part about this film is that it was shot inside Disney without their permission. That’s just awesome. It’ll be one of the most unique films you’ve ever seen if nothing else.