IMDB Score – 6.5
Rotten Tomato Score – 62%
Directed By – Fede Alvarez
Starring – Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas, and Elizabeth Blackmore
Five friends head to a remote cabin, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods. The evil presence possesses them until only one is left to fight for survival.
As I am making my way through the 2013 films I neglected to see in theaters, I am being reminded why I chose not to see them in the first place. I usually hate remakes. The reason I do is not because it “ruins” the original because that statement doesn’t make any damn sense. Remakes don’t cease to make the originals exist. You like the original “Total Recall” better than remake? Great! Keep watching the original. Don’t see the new one. Easy. The originals will always be there for us. No, the reason I hate remakes is simply because I’ve seen it before. I know the story. I know what is going to happen and am forced to put all my faith into the remakes ability to do something different which always seems to fall flat. Horror films are the usual culprit in this regard in where they take an original piece of work and try to either make the same exact thing over again or try to out do it. We saw it with Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, and The Thing. I know what you’re saying about that last one. BUT JOHN CARPENTER REMADE THE THING AND IT WAS GREAT! John Carpenter did something completely different with his remake and it worked perfectly mostly due to the fact that the special effects were state of the art at the time and still may be the best special effects film ever made (take that James Cameron). Great remakes are few and far between but they’re going to keep happening whether we like it or not. I may not lighten up to the idea of paying for these remakes but if one comes along with a good review I might take a chance on one of them.
I should have taken a chance on Evil Dead.
Seeing this in a theater on a packed night would have been awesome. It is by far one of the most disgusting and gore filled mainstream release I think I’ve ever seen. I mean this thing was playing in theaters next to kids movies. That’s incredible. It took the shlocky B level violence in the original cult classic and turned it up to 11. The story pretty much remained the same (and only solidified how great a satire Cabin in the Woods was) but that isn’t the feature of this film. This was just good old fashioned horror fest. The effects were beyond impressive and just seemed light years ahead of anything Eli Roth has cooked up in recent times. This isn’t “torture porn”. It is well crafted blood art. I honestly don’t know why I liked it more than any other film that just tries to go for shock value instead of actually trying to tell a story. While not the most complex of narratives, the film stayed very close to the original plot line and didn’t try to go out of the box too much. Sometimes simplicity trumps creativity.
It was basically just a really fun and cringe inducing film that I can see being a great hit at parties for those who want to watch something entirely ridiculous yet entirely intense and fun. Just don’t eat before watching it. Oh and Bruce Campbell just can’t resist a chainsaw can he?
IMDB Score : 7.3
RT Score : 68%
This movie was ass.
I realized in the opening credits that I wasn’t going to like this movie. Why?
Screenplay by Damon Lindelof.
Mr. Lindelof, I applaud you for trying. I really do. You have a great job where you get to write about whatever pops into you head in order to bring it to million for enjoyment. Now I need you to stop. Please stop. I understand that you didn’t write this alone but you had part in it and that’s why I’m mad at you.
Cowboys and Aliens. Shit
Prometheus. Shit, albeit visually stunning and acted wonderfully by Michael Fassbender and Naomi Rapace.
Star Trek : Into Darkness. Shit
World War Z. Shit
Now that I’m done sounding like a jerk, let me explain a few things. Zombie movies have been being made for over forty years. In that span we have seen some brilliant ones (Dawn of the Dead, Return of the Dead) and some not so brilliant (Anything Romero has done since and this film). It confuses me so much that after forty years and a flat out amazing book by Max Brooks that a zombie movie with such a huge budget could turn out so flat and empty. By the way, I went into this film completely erasing my memory of the book. The two are two different mediums and entities. I am in no way pissed off that the movie was nothing like the book. I expected it. I did not however expect a script that seemed like it was written by a fourteen year old who just saw the remake of Dawn of the Dead for the first time. The film had no drive, no character development, and no point. They were here and a bad thing happened so now we’re here. Why? I don’t have any clue. There was no actual explanation for many of the actions, just simple statements of intent. This is a problem that Mr. Lindelof has. He has an idea and wants so bad to get to the finish line that he forgets to give the script any meat in the middle. I could have walked out and came back in an hour and not have missed much. They didn’t go into how zombies work. They didn’t explain it really at all. Zombies are intricate beings that can be explained in a few simple statements and none of them were made in this film. I could have been told they all had a bad case of strep throat and it would have been just as believable. I was just very disappointed.
WARNING : MINOR SPOILER THAT’S NOT EVEN A SPOILER CAUSE IT’S IN THE TRAILER
There is a scene on an airplane. A zombie comes and decides to ruin shit in the coach area. Nobody in first class seems to be aware that just behind them is a screaming pack of animals trying to fend off a screaming pack of animals. It’s chaos. Brad Pitt wakes up from a stupid nightmare he’s having and thinks something is wrong. It is not until he reaches the THIN PAPER OF A DIVIDER between first class and coach that it’s apparent that there is savage murder happening. I want to know where to get that curtain because apparently it blacks out sound better than an airlock at NASA.
Now for the zombies. I hate fast zombies. They’re completely ass backwards to what zombies are supposed to be. Even in their own right they just look stupid. The fact that this movie is PG-13 and that a heavy dose of CGI was used 100% of the time didn’t help matters. They were laughable at times. The theater laughed at them. This is not the desired effect that zombies should have on the viewer. It’s a shame. I actually feel sad because I don’t know if I’m going to see a true to science zombie for quite some time.
I hope I don’t sound like an ass because I really wanted to like this movie. The first twenty minutes were actually pretty enjoyable but the whole thing just took a nosedive and ended up being a bore and a chore to get through. The end of the film was just so weak and anticlimactic. Hell, it didn’t even make much sense but I won’t spoil the fun. There’s no reason to pay twelve dollars to see this film. Wait until it comes out on DVD and only watch it when you have nothing else better to watch or you’re doing your taxes. This is the only way your time will not be wasted.